Saturday, October 11th, 2008...1:59 am
I Love You but
My heart won’t speak of what my mind dictates. My mind says go where my heart says no.
I know in my right mind that I’m not doing the right thing and I know what’s wrong with me and don’t have the courage to correct it. One thing that prevented me to go on publicly because of my wrong decisions and I’d rather have to stay at home and surf and write anything what my mind bestowed.
I have a strong desire for something and I know I missed someone, somebody to talk with who are intellectually equipped with good ideas and nice thoughts. I feel I’m in a den surrounded by dying tigers that were tongue-tied by hunger and again I don’t even have much courage to move out.
My mind loves me, but my heart doesn’t, because it keeps on beating to someone that would bring me into difficult situations. My heart is bad.
I should have love myself because nobody can love me as much as I will do. I had a feeling that I’d rather hurt myself than you who will do it. I often cried without you knowing yes I cried not because of something else but because of you. I know I love you but I tried not to show it. I am bad yes I am because sometimes I am selfish and I love to hurt your feelings so that you can feel what I felt inside when someone had once hurt me. I called you up because I thought that would ease the pain but the more I do I almost die. You start ignoring me…
I want to love you but I don’t want to feel the pain again.
6 Comments
October 20th, 2008 at 10:19 pm
My heart is bad too… damn it!
totoo yun teng, minsan kahit mahal natin yung tao, gusto natin silang saktan kasi gusto mong ibalik yung sakit na binigay nila sayo, gusto mo ipaunawa sa kanila how hard it is to be in that situation. i may not know everything teng, but i guess what you are feeling right now is somehow the same what i am feeling…have you been stranded? grabe and hirap, hindi maka move forward o kaya hindi makabalik, na-stuck ka nalang sa position na hindi ka makagalaw, hayyy…
December 6th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Indeed, your blog is very deep ate. I could hardly fathom the deepness especially with regards to your emotional turmoils.
I’ve also been hurt but maybe not as bad as what you have experienced and I hope that I would not be hurt that way…
I love to talk to people older that I am ’cause I believe that people like you have gone through much in terms of experiences which have made you a better person.
Ate, please note that there are people who love you and accept you for who you are. Never mind the detractors, for all you know they are part of the process in letting the “gold” within you shine.
December 9th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
“Never mind the detractors, for all you know they are part of the process in letting the “gold” within you shine”.
I like that!!! thank you inday may, so much for such an inspiring words.
December 9th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
teng lharz… grabe i’ve been stranded matagal na at wala pa ring bus na dumaan na matino-tino, hehehehe yaan mo OK pa ako kahit papano.
June 13th, 2009 at 9:03 pm
Is that whats inside you? It doesn’t show… I really dont know your story but i would say nobody is perfect and nobody has a perfect life, we all have our share to pass a dark tunnels in the course of our journey in life. It is our attitude towards the challenges we face that determines how we takecare of ourself whether we will be bogged down by the negative things that happens to us or we will rise up and learn from the experience..
Dont dwell on the negative emotions, what we think is what we feel, always have the courage to do something that you feel is right what ever it is…
June 20th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
hi wayex thank you for dropping by again ;-). it won’t really shows because I’m a good manager of my problem. there was one time, my friend jessica from makati called me up and asked if that was really me talking on my blog, lol… yeah that’s really me and I am/was tired of doing something which I could not appreciate already. I always felt like quitting and to be secluded anymore but the more i do it i am hurting myself. That’s why blogging is my best outlet na lang to burst all my feelings………………
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